The other day I was watching a great old TV show called ‘Father Knows Best’, which is a show about an American family (the Andersons) and all of their crazy, funny, and interesting adventures in the everyday life.
Well, the other night I was watching a particular episode in which they were going to have a dance and the eldest daughter was put in charge of picking a theme. After putting much thought into it, her mother suggested that she host a Sadie Hawkins dance. Now if you don’t know what that is, a Sadie Hawkins dance is where the roles are reversed and the girls get to ask the guys out instead of the other way around. This might seem harmless enough but it made me think about how girls act today.
Nowadays, if a girl sees a guy she finds to be attractive she feels free to go up and ask him out on a date. If she has a crush on him, she might even go so far as to tell him how she feels. She gets to set up the rules of the relationship. She gets to take the lead. If she wants it to move forward she pushes it forward; if she wants it to be a long drawn out relationship, that’s the way it works. Some women even feel free to be the one who gets down on one knee!
You may be thinking to yourself “Yes, and this is a very good thing! Women weren’t allowed to do anything before. We were clearly being stereotyped and oppressed by men.” But what would you say to me telling you that not only does the Bible say that men were created to lead, but also that it also says that it is wrong for women to try and take this role from them? (Are you rolling your eyes yet?)
Let’s take a look at what the Bible says pertaining to relationships.
One of the reasons that women shouldn’t be the ones leading the relationship is that it takes away from a man’s masculinity. Men were created by the Lord to lead. If you doubt that, just read your Bible. From the creation of Adam to Paul’s teachings, God emphasizes the headship of the man. The leadership God intended them for isn’t so they can control us like masters of slave ships, but so they can obey their God-given role and lead in a Christ-like manner. And when we take that away from them, when we tell them that they can’t open doors, or can’t ask us out, or can’t be the one’s to lead a relationship, they lose the longing to lead. I mean, would you want to do something that you will only be shamed for?
Think about this. In Scripture, Rebecka didn’t go chasing after Jacob, he came to her. When Eve was created she didn’t rush to Adam and give him a list of rules as to how the relationship would work and who would do what, nope. She followed him. Even though Ruth did go and purposely lay at the end of Boaz’s bed, she didn’t ask him to marry her or even tell him “You’re my kin, by law you should marry me and give an heir in your kinsmen’s name.” She let him take the lead. All the examples the Bible gives us of relationships we see the man kindly leading and the woman happily and willingly following him. So clearly this idea of women leading didn’t come from the Bible.
Since Scripture upholds the examples of men kindly leading and the woman happily and willingly following him, shouldn’t that be what we also aim for?
We can’t tell men in the dating stage of the relationship “I want to lead” and then get frustrated with them when they won’t lead once we’re married. We also can’t rewrite God’s directions for relationships between men and women, and then wonder why the family, the church, or even society is falling apart.
Why do we think it’s falling apart? If we’re honest with ourselves, we know why: And it’s because we’ve chosen to do things our own way.
And by our way, I mean a way that makes us happy or allows us to fit in and to be seen as “normal”. We as women need to take a long look at what the Bible really says pertaining to relationships and the roles of men and women, and see what we’re losing when we go against it.
I can’t recommend enough that you research for yourself what Scripture has to say about men leading, and male and female relationships, and see how it compares to dating today. You’ll be blown away at how different it is.
And then I recommend that you read ‘When God Writes Your Love Story’ by Eric and Leslie Ludy. This opened my eyes and answered a lot of questions I had regarding relationships. (I’m not promoting this book and in no way do I have any connections with the Ludy’s)